Definitions of Mommyhood

July 13, 2012

I’m 9 weeks in so far. Here’s what I’ve got:

1) When your front-facing iPhone camera is used less as a camera and more as a Is The Child on My Chest Actually Sleeping? mirror.

2) When venturing out to Target to pick up a part for your breast pump turns a regular day into a Big Day. Consider it a Super Big Day if a swing past Starbucks is involved.

3) The moment all of the advice – solicited and unsolicited – gets tossed out the window because, heck yeah, you ARE actually figuring it out on your own. Go you.

20120712-195930.jpg 4) Wearing more pads on a daily basis than a professional football player.

5) One-handed texting.

6) Making your “busy” days pre-child look empty, easy and, frankly, kind of pathetic.

7) Instant grossness factor increase. Times five hundred.

8) Camera Roll? Might as well just call it Baby Roll.

20120712-195904.jpg 9) When you start comparing any time of any day to The Time of The Day You Were Born.

10) Smiling through compliments that your baby is beautiful, even though she has baby acne on her cheeks, peeling skin all over her arms, and dried spit-up in her hair.

11) Smiling through compliments that your baby BOY is so handsome, every time your daughter isn’t wearing bright pink.

12) Smiling through compliments that YOU look “so great”, even though you have acne on your cheeks, dried spit-up in your hair, and 15 pounds left to lose.

13) Masterful unidextrousness. (That needs to be a word.)

That’s my list for now. More to come, I’m sure. What’ve you got? :)


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