They are both sleeping and I didn’t know what else to do

May 11, 2015

Well.

As I write this, it’s 3:34 on Monday afternoon and both kids are sleeping. This hasn’t happened in forever, as Addy has taken more of an interest lately in emptying the entire contents of her dresser and banging incessantly on her door than sleeping, and EJ dropped her afternoon nap ages ago, but refuses to push her morning nap up any later than 11am. Let me tell you how delightful that makes the late afternoon. For both girls. And for mama.

Eek.

Anyway, due to weird schedules and teething sleep disruption and a guilt trip about the doctor telling her that sleeping will help her grow big and strong SO STRONG!, they are both out for the count. So I did what I always do when the stars align like this, I stood in the middle of the kitchen with my mouth open, phone in hand, wondering what the heck I should do. I finally settled on watching a DVR’d TLC show, then I ate some potato chips, and then had a good long talk with Hubs about my latest paint decisions for the office, dining room, and master bedroom. I’m a study in productivity, let me tell you.

I finally decided I should seize this Both Kids Sleeping opportunity and write something. So here we are.

Thoughts:

– I had a fabulous Mother’s Day, complete with tons of unstructured and unplanned kiddo time, a Hubs who did all the dishes all day long, and a visit to the evening church service BY MYSELF followed up by a fancy schmancy dinner at Panera BY MYSELF. Best ending to Mother’s Day ever. I got to skip dinner and bedtime routines, plus, bonus: I tried out one of the new broth bowls Panera has been advertising. Verdict: tasted Japanese or something, loved it, very non-Panera-like, very messy to eat, super fresh flavors.

– The Royals won again last night, this time in the wee hours of the morning after a weather delay at the home stadium of their division rivals. We’re number one in our division! I look forward to evenings on the couch with Hubs talking and watching the games more than I ever thought I would. Icy cold Summer Shandy’s certainly aid that effort.

– Albeit a little slow, I’m thrilled with the progress on A Boy Named Love. After receiving and fully editing the rough draft of all the drawings, we are inching closer to having final, full-color versions of everything. I’ve reviewed and approved about three-fourths of them. Can’t wait to share this book with┬áthe world. We are so so so close and that simultaneously thrills me and scares me to death.

– I started I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings yesterday. I’m progressing through it slowly because of Maya’s writing style, but finding it fascinating so far. Also feeling a little embarrassed that I’ve never read it before.

– At this very moment, I want to be hugging my babies. I also want to be dressed up in a professional shift, wearing heels and sporting newly colored hair and newly manicured nails. I want to be reading in a quiet room with birds chirping outside and steaming coffee in my mug. I also want to be reading 101 Dalmations and listening to my children scream after pulling each other’s hair.
I’ve made a kind of shift lately in my thinking, and instead of flip flopping back and forth, back and forth between Annie Before Kids (ABK) and Annie Now (AN) , treating them like one or the other, either/or, continually comparing, I’ve found an awareness. A contentedness of some kind. It’s not an either/or. It’s a now. It’s not about looking back and comparing. It’s not about looking forward and planning. It’s about looking down right where we are and loving. Accepting. With open arms and open hearts. With grace. For myself and Hubs and my kids. And everyone.

We can’t have it all. But we can be content with what we have. And we can love it. We can love the heck out of it.

There are aspects of ABK that I sincerely miss (coffee shop afternoons, I’m looking at you. Also: the ease of rescheduling an appointment. Oh my god.), but I’m fine without them. I have stopped comparing AN to ABK in a way that focuses only on the negative. It was a different chapter, and instead of thinking about how someday I’ll get that chapter back, I want to instead look forward to the writing of new ones.

I can’t wait to turn those pages.

For now, this chapter, this one kind of near the beginning, is pretty darn great.

 

Book analogies for the win,

AS

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