From the archives: I Have Begun

Yesterday evening, while digging for something else, I ran into a few pieces of writing on an old hard drive. A few oooold pieces of writing on an oooold hard drive.

Most of what I found was…atrocious. Let’s just say that it will never, never ever ever, ever ever see the light of day.

But then I found a couple paragraphs I had written about writing. And about starting to write. Apparently, about the precise moment a few years ago when I decided I wanted to write regularly.

This is what’s so great about digging through old files. Whether it’s a piece of writing or a drawing or an outdated resume or photos of your puppy who is now older than you are (in doggie years, of course), you have almost always forgotten that they exist.

At least I have almost always forgotten that they exist. But I guess that’s not saying much, as if you ask Hubz I have the memory of…of…well, I have none.

Whatever.

Wait, where was I? What am I doing here?

Heh heh heh. Ha ha. Hee hee hee. Ahem.

There is always a bit of excitement and nostalgia opening those files back up again and enjoying a tidbit of your life that you might have otherwise forgotten forever. It makes you go awwww and pause for a moment.

I like it when something makes me pause for a moment.

The creation date on this file was Tuesday, December 2, 2008, 9:33PM. I was still working at The Corp then, and was staying up until the wee hours of the morning building my businesses around my full-time work schedule. Maybe I was bored and decided to goof off by writing for a while? Maybe I was sitting up in bed next to Hubz, him reading and me writing? Maybe I was on the couch with a Tuesday night episode of The Biggest Loser on in the background? WE’LL NEVER KNOW.

Interestingly, the last modification date was Tuesday, January 26, 2010, 1:22PM. That was four days after my last day at The Corp. I like to think, as I was transferring all of the files I stuffed onto junk drives from the work computer I had to turn in, to my personal laptop, that I reviewed most of them. Maybe I even laughed at these pieces of writing then. Who knows.

But it was from a few years ago. I had forgotten about it. And it marks a shift in my life and my interests. So that makes it fun.

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I Have Begun
December 2008

In high school, circa 1998, it occurred to me that at some point in my life I wanted to be a writer. It was my secret ambition. I was the Type A personality that excelled in math and science – it was widely known and discussed that history and English and long term papers did not a happy Annie make. Actually, I was Ann back then, but that’s another story for another time.

I sucked at writing. I dreaded the essay tests and mid-term papers. But yet the dream of writing someday always kept popping up.

Perhaps I could be the next female Grisham, pumping out a novel a year and amazing people at my abilities to write about the same thing but not the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Or maybe I could write children’s books and travel to children’s libraries all over the country and oh yes! That would be so easy! Honestly, how many words are there in a picture book anyway, I couldn’t possibly mess that up. It’s a PICTURE BOOK full of PICTURES.

I daydreamed about my (naturally) award-winning writing, my author bio on the back flap, my book tours and website and Also Written By lists and (of course) the huge success that would bring mountain villas and European vacations and luxury cars. Throughout all the years of the visions of writing success, however, the thoughts would come and go. A fleeting thought for 5 seconds once a month, a few times a year. (Editor’s note: I have no idea what those last two sentences mean. Over and out.)

That all changed two weeks ago when my inner dialogue appeared. And by inner dialogue I mean the incessant, continual, maddening voice that started narrating everything as if I was sitting in front of a computer actually wanting to write the novel RIGHT THEN. NOW. Like, RIGHT NOW. On and on it goes. I’ve even found it editing as it goes along. Editing! What inner dialogue edits! I’ve been ignoring it for the good part of these two weeks until a couple days ago when I resigned to the fact that, fine, FINE, I’ll start writing this crazy, inner-conversation down.

So here I am. Writing.

I’ve begun.

Tagged as: archive, musings